Hi all!
Well, Keith returned from Vietnam feeling optimistic. Things are progressing, and he does not feel that there is a need to extend the wait times. So, we are still looking at 12-18 months (I am banking on 18 months). Yahoo! Also, we received an email from Rachel, the Senior Coordinator of the Vietnam Program, and she said that they have begun to receive paperwork on children from three of the four provinces. Because of the rules in Vietnam governing the process to identify a child as an orphan, there most likely won't be any referrals until August. An ad must run in Vietnamese newspapers for 60 days identifying the child in case a relative decides to step forward and claim him. I'm a bit fuzzy on what the entire process is for the child to be classified an orphan and what the child's paperwork involves, so I think that is a good place for me to do some research and report back later. :)
Anyway, the mood is much lighter now that we know referrals will be starting again.
Now, to answer some questions I received:
Is the wait time different for a boy or a girl? Yes, it is. The wait time for boys is shorter (by about three months, I think). For some reason, people want to adopt more girls than boys. This is true everywhere, not just Vietnam. I'm not sure why, and I think it would be a very interesting thing for a sociologist to study. I know some reasons people want girls... we do because we already have two boys. Some other people have said that they have a girl and want her to have a sister, or that they are single women and would just feel more comfortable and familiar with raising a girl. This is an issue that I struggle with. I LOVE raising my boys -- they are so much fun! And knowing that it's harder to place boys makes me feel for them. I flip flop on it, but John and I have discussed it, and he really wants a little girl. Truthfully, so do I. My daydream wish would be for us to receive a set of siblings, boy and girl. But the odds aren't in our favor for that. A lot of other people have the same dream.
Are there more girls coming out of Vietnam? This is an interesting question. Vietnam is not like China. There is no limit on how many children a family can have. That is a big contributor to why a majority of children adopted from China are girls. In that culture (and in many other Asian cultures), the oldest son is the one who takes care of his parents as they grow older. So, if you can only have one child, it's "better" to have a son so that there is someone to take care of you. I think that many boys who are available for adoption in China are adopted by Chinese families for this reason, also. But back to Vietnam. I believe that there is probably an equal number of boys and girls being classified as orphans, but there may be more girls coming to the U.S. because more people want a girl.
Are there different wait times based on the age of the child (infant, toddler, older child) or disabilities? Yes. The younger the healthy child, the longer the wait. That is one of the reasons Angelina Jolie was able to adopt her son so quickly -- he was 4 years old. There aren't very many people looking for an older child. (I won't conjecture on other reasons she was able to adopt so quickly...) Also, children with disabilities have a much shorter wait time, as they are harder to place. In fact, there are Wait Lists with disabled children who are ready to be adopted now. John and I based the age we requested on the ages of our sons. We feel it is important to keep the birth order, so we are requesting a child/children who would be younger than Ethan (our youngest) would be at the time of the adoption. We are also basing our request for a healthy child on our sons. If we didn't already have children, we might consider some disabilities, but we have to take into account how that will affect our other kids. My sister is deaf, and while our family made a point of treating her the same as the rest of us, there were still the extra hospital visits, speech therapy, time dealing with schools and special education programs... Of course I wouldn't trade my sister for anything in the world, and I don't at all resent the extra things she needed, but it does affect the family. Also, I personally consider deafness an issue that would be much easier to handle than a severely crippled child or one with serious mental disabilities. I would be more open to adopting a deaf child, but I have to respect the fact that John isn't as comfortable with it. He didn't grow up with it as an everyday thing.
So that leads to my viewpoint on these issues. It's easy to say that people are being selfish for choosing healthy baby girls over children who are waiting for homes now. It's not so easy to actually take a waiting child into your home and raise him. Each family makes the decision based on what is right for that family at that time. There are a lot of different factors that go into making the decision -- factors that others may not even think of. It isn't a flippant thing. Our hearts cry out for every child who needs a loving home, but we have taken a long hard look at our lives, and we know what our family can handle and what it isn't ready for. In the end, I don't think it would be right for a child to be placed in a home that isn't prepared to deal with his issues, and may not be able to handle them. That's why children and families are "matched" in adoption rather than randomly coming together. I don't think we can judge anyone for making the choices they did, because in the end, it's the right thing for both the families and for all the children out there. It can be argued that you don't have a choice when giving birth, but really, you don't know what might come up with an adoptd child in the future, either. My sister lost her hearing over time, and it wasn't diagnosed until she was 3. Not to mention the fact that anyone adopting any child of another race from another country with a different culture -- who has spent time in an orphange -- is already taking on some special issues.
See what kind of deep thinking you guys make me do! :) These were great questions! Please keep them coming!!
Monday, June 25, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
We're DTV
Finally! We're DTV (Dossier to Vietnam)! Now it will be translated by FTIA's in-country staff, and then they will send it on to the government officials in the International Adoption Department (IAD). There it will wait to be matched with paperwork on the child identified for us.
FTIA's director, Keith, is in Vietnam right now to see how things are progressing with the two new provinces. A lot of families are getting anxious because the wait times have been extended twice in the last year, and unless something drastic happens, they will likely be extended again soon. Keith will return some time in June and said that he will have news for us and will have some "specific recommendations" for FTIA families. We're very interested to see what he has to say. I imagine that it will be giving us a few choices: wait out the long wait times, consider switching countries, or consider switching agencies. A few families have already switched agencies hoping to shorten the wait.
See, the way it works in Vietnam is different than in China. In China all international adoption dossiers are sent to one central agency, the CCAA, and the paperwork on all children available for international adoption also goes to this agency. That central agency then matches children and prospective parents and makes the referal. In Vietnam, each placement agency (like FTIA) has agreements with individual provinces and supports a specific orphanage in that province. All the referals for that agency come from the orphanges they support. So, an agency supporting an orphange in a large city would theoretically have more referals than one supporting an orphange in a rural province with a much smaller population, and therefore, potentially shorter wait times.
It'll be interesting to see what Keith has to say, and to see what the response to it is. For now, we are planning to stay with FTIA and the Vietnam program. We very much appreciate FTIA's emphasis on having an ethical adoption process, and everyone there has been so helpful and supportive. What is meant to happen will happen, and if that means waiting years for our next child, so be it. I want to look her in the eye when she's a young adult and be able to tell her with confidence that her adoption was completely ethical and honest.
Now that we are in the waiting stage, I plan to post some educational-type stuff on here. Info about Vietnam as well as info on adoption in general. Hopefully you'll find it interesting and it will help us all feel more prepared for the adventure ahead. I know that the more I read about it, the more comfortable I feel. If there is anything specific you're curious about, please feel free to ask me! If I don't know the answer, I'll find out and we'll both learn something new. :)
FTIA's director, Keith, is in Vietnam right now to see how things are progressing with the two new provinces. A lot of families are getting anxious because the wait times have been extended twice in the last year, and unless something drastic happens, they will likely be extended again soon. Keith will return some time in June and said that he will have news for us and will have some "specific recommendations" for FTIA families. We're very interested to see what he has to say. I imagine that it will be giving us a few choices: wait out the long wait times, consider switching countries, or consider switching agencies. A few families have already switched agencies hoping to shorten the wait.
See, the way it works in Vietnam is different than in China. In China all international adoption dossiers are sent to one central agency, the CCAA, and the paperwork on all children available for international adoption also goes to this agency. That central agency then matches children and prospective parents and makes the referal. In Vietnam, each placement agency (like FTIA) has agreements with individual provinces and supports a specific orphanage in that province. All the referals for that agency come from the orphanges they support. So, an agency supporting an orphange in a large city would theoretically have more referals than one supporting an orphange in a rural province with a much smaller population, and therefore, potentially shorter wait times.
It'll be interesting to see what Keith has to say, and to see what the response to it is. For now, we are planning to stay with FTIA and the Vietnam program. We very much appreciate FTIA's emphasis on having an ethical adoption process, and everyone there has been so helpful and supportive. What is meant to happen will happen, and if that means waiting years for our next child, so be it. I want to look her in the eye when she's a young adult and be able to tell her with confidence that her adoption was completely ethical and honest.
Now that we are in the waiting stage, I plan to post some educational-type stuff on here. Info about Vietnam as well as info on adoption in general. Hopefully you'll find it interesting and it will help us all feel more prepared for the adventure ahead. I know that the more I read about it, the more comfortable I feel. If there is anything specific you're curious about, please feel free to ask me! If I don't know the answer, I'll find out and we'll both learn something new. :)
Monday, May 14, 2007
It Passed Inspection!
The new and improved I-171H arrived at our door Saturday. We had planned to go to the public library that day to *finally* get our library cards, so I took the paperwork there to copy it. And of course I checked out three books on adoption before we left. Jack was so excited he wouldn't let go of his library card for hours!
Then it was off to the post office where I personally handed over the Priority Envelope at the counter rather than leave it in a box outside. Are we overly cautious now? Heck yeah!
This evening I got an email from Kathy at FTIA saying that our I-171H was received today, reviewed, and was perfect! Our dossier is now being sent on to Vietnam. Rachel, the head Vietnam coordinator at FTIA, also emailed me and said that our dossier would be sent to Vietnam in the next batch to go out, which will be Monday May 21.
We are so excited to be done with the paper chase! Now we're what they call Paper Pregnant. :)
Just wanted to pass on the latest.
Then it was off to the post office where I personally handed over the Priority Envelope at the counter rather than leave it in a box outside. Are we overly cautious now? Heck yeah!
This evening I got an email from Kathy at FTIA saying that our I-171H was received today, reviewed, and was perfect! Our dossier is now being sent on to Vietnam. Rachel, the head Vietnam coordinator at FTIA, also emailed me and said that our dossier would be sent to Vietnam in the next batch to go out, which will be Monday May 21.
We are so excited to be done with the paper chase! Now we're what they call Paper Pregnant. :)
Just wanted to pass on the latest.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Could That Really Be a Light I See Ahead of Me?
Hi All,
Two days after my last post, on Wednesday April 18, I headed to Northern Michigan to be with my best friend when her baby was born. At about 1 a.m. Saturday morning, John called to say he'd just returned from poker night and found our I-171H in the mailbox! A whole week ahead of what we'd been told to expect. Yahoo! The following Monday at just after 8 a.m. I was holding my friend's hand when her son was delivered via c-section. I am so honored that she shared this experience with me, and am still awed by it all. Her husband, who is in Iraq, called just after the baby was born and they brought the phone to the OR so she could talk to him. It all still brings tears to my eyes. Yeah, I'm pretty sappy. :) Congrats, Robin and Mike! You two make some darn cute little ones! :)
My younger sister also unexpectedly came to our home town, so I was able to see my new little neice, Abby Jo, for the first time. She was just a month old. And awfully cute herself! I forgot how very tiny they start out! Plus, another good friend had her first child, a little boy. So congrats to Sara and Keven and Ann and Garrison, also! What is it they say about important things happening in threes?
On Wednesday April 25 Jack, Ethan, and I headed home. Jack got mad the two times I stopped (once for a drive through lunch and once to change the boys). "No! Go Daddy's house!" he kept saying. It sure was nice to see John again after a week away. We all missed him tons! Of course, the next few days Jack couldn't stop talking about Grandma K and Aunt Deb and Aunt Sara and all his cousins.
We planned to get our I-171H notarized Saturday morning and then drive into Chicago all together to get it state certified. Unfortunately, I must have been thinking about the USCIS fingerprinting place, because the Secretary of State isn't open on Saturdays! Luckily I looked it up Friday night and discovered this. So, Jack and Ethan and I were back in the car on Monday for a trip into the city. The boys were very good, even when I took them into a 3-story Old Navy to pick up some sandals and PJ's for them (and one or two things for Mommy). Then we went into Marshall Field's (sorry... Macy's) for lunch. While we were eating Jack started jerking and blinking and acting funny. It freaked me out for a minute until I figured out he was dancing to the jazz music playing on the PA system. I've never seen him move like that, but it actually totally fit with the music. Ethan spent most of the time gnawing on chicken and french fries and cracking himself up playing peek-a-boo with me. It was a fun little trip for the day. We returned to Crystal Lake in time to Express Mail the I-171H to the consulate in San Francisco.
Friday morning the I-171H was back. I rushed downstairs to scan it in, print copies, and create on-line postage to mail it out to FTIA. Late Monday May 7 we received the news that FTIA had our complete dossier, and we were officially on the waiting list! Yippee!!!!
Then on Tuesday Kathy reluctantly informed me that the Secretary of State had misspelled the notary's name, and we would have to redo the whole thing.
Of course they did. Of course we would.
I gave myself a few minutes to be sad, mad, and feel sorry for myself, then I pulled myself together and made a plan of attack. I printed out the new copies of everything and a new cover letter to the consulate. The next morning when John woke me up as he was leaving for work, I let him know what happened. Luckily, he didn't have any meetings that morning, and there is a branch of our bank in the lobby of his work building, so the boys and I went to visit Daddy at work to get the new I-171H notarized. We got there at lunch time, so we stayed and had lunch with him and some co-workers. The boys were such hams -- just eating up all the attention. They were so excited that they both fell asleep within 5 minutes of getting back on the road. Into Chicago we went. This time I double checked the spelling before I left the SoS office.
Zoom back home -- well, as much zooming as you can do on a Chicago freeway, which isn't much. We went straight to the post office and mailed it all out to the consulate again. I learned that postage goes up on Monday, so I had them put the new amount on the retun envelope just in case. With our luck, it wouldn't be returned until next week and we'd have it floating around in the ether with too little postage on it.
So that is where we are now. Waiting for the new I-171H to come back. Kathy assured me that we are still on the waiting list as of May 7, so that is great news!
We've had a few people say that "it could be any day now" that we get a call with a referal. As much as we'd love for that to be true, it just isn't going to happen. There are about 70 families ahead of us in line at FTIA's Vietnam program. They have only brought home 4 children so far this year. They are working on agreements with more provinces/orphanges, so they hope that the number of referals will increase in the next few months, but realistically, we are way down the list and I believe it will be *at least* 18 months before we get a referal, if not longer. We're ok with this. Of course, there are moments when we want it to happen NOW NOW NOW!, but honestly, we planned on it taking about two years from start to finish when we discussed adopting, so an 18 month wait is right on track for that.
I also wanted to add a note for those people who are reading this because they are going through an adption or considering adoption themselves. I honestly didn't think anyone except our family and friends were reading this, but apparently more people have found our humble little blog. :) I would love to hear from anyone else going through this journey! Drop me an email or leave me a comment. I do want to say that most people do not have the amount of problems that we have had. The vast majority of social workers are fantastic, and though I think everyone has to redo some documents, I don't think it's quite the amount that we have. I just don't want anyone to be scared off by reading our story. For one thing, we have histories that make our case more complicated, and I think that has led to a lot of our issues. And even though we've had these hurdles, we ARE getting through the process. Our adoption WILL happen.
To me, adopting is like a calling. It is something I know I am meant to do. It is how I am meant to continue my family. I think that the road to adoption is full of hurdles and tests, but each one just shows you how much you believe in what you are doing. Each time you face a problem and move through it, it strengthens you. One thing for sure, you REALLY have to want to adopt to make it through the paper chase. I think that if I were a birth mother, I'd want to know that the person/people adopting my child were thoroughly committed to the adoption. Yes, it was easier for us to have our birth children. Nowhere near the amount of paperwork or bureaucracy involved (or the longer wait). But not only do I believe that my daughter is meant to come to me through someone else, I also believe that there are people I don't even know who are trusting me to give her the best life I can and to love her completely. Because of this, I think it's good to make sure that we are 100% committed to this adoption. And going through all of this has made it clear to us that we are.
Ok, enough philosophy for now. :)
WE'RE ON THE WAITING LIST! HOORAY!!!!
Two days after my last post, on Wednesday April 18, I headed to Northern Michigan to be with my best friend when her baby was born. At about 1 a.m. Saturday morning, John called to say he'd just returned from poker night and found our I-171H in the mailbox! A whole week ahead of what we'd been told to expect. Yahoo! The following Monday at just after 8 a.m. I was holding my friend's hand when her son was delivered via c-section. I am so honored that she shared this experience with me, and am still awed by it all. Her husband, who is in Iraq, called just after the baby was born and they brought the phone to the OR so she could talk to him. It all still brings tears to my eyes. Yeah, I'm pretty sappy. :) Congrats, Robin and Mike! You two make some darn cute little ones! :)
My younger sister also unexpectedly came to our home town, so I was able to see my new little neice, Abby Jo, for the first time. She was just a month old. And awfully cute herself! I forgot how very tiny they start out! Plus, another good friend had her first child, a little boy. So congrats to Sara and Keven and Ann and Garrison, also! What is it they say about important things happening in threes?
On Wednesday April 25 Jack, Ethan, and I headed home. Jack got mad the two times I stopped (once for a drive through lunch and once to change the boys). "No! Go Daddy's house!" he kept saying. It sure was nice to see John again after a week away. We all missed him tons! Of course, the next few days Jack couldn't stop talking about Grandma K and Aunt Deb and Aunt Sara and all his cousins.
We planned to get our I-171H notarized Saturday morning and then drive into Chicago all together to get it state certified. Unfortunately, I must have been thinking about the USCIS fingerprinting place, because the Secretary of State isn't open on Saturdays! Luckily I looked it up Friday night and discovered this. So, Jack and Ethan and I were back in the car on Monday for a trip into the city. The boys were very good, even when I took them into a 3-story Old Navy to pick up some sandals and PJ's for them (and one or two things for Mommy). Then we went into Marshall Field's (sorry... Macy's) for lunch. While we were eating Jack started jerking and blinking and acting funny. It freaked me out for a minute until I figured out he was dancing to the jazz music playing on the PA system. I've never seen him move like that, but it actually totally fit with the music. Ethan spent most of the time gnawing on chicken and french fries and cracking himself up playing peek-a-boo with me. It was a fun little trip for the day. We returned to Crystal Lake in time to Express Mail the I-171H to the consulate in San Francisco.
Friday morning the I-171H was back. I rushed downstairs to scan it in, print copies, and create on-line postage to mail it out to FTIA. Late Monday May 7 we received the news that FTIA had our complete dossier, and we were officially on the waiting list! Yippee!!!!
Then on Tuesday Kathy reluctantly informed me that the Secretary of State had misspelled the notary's name, and we would have to redo the whole thing.
Of course they did. Of course we would.
I gave myself a few minutes to be sad, mad, and feel sorry for myself, then I pulled myself together and made a plan of attack. I printed out the new copies of everything and a new cover letter to the consulate. The next morning when John woke me up as he was leaving for work, I let him know what happened. Luckily, he didn't have any meetings that morning, and there is a branch of our bank in the lobby of his work building, so the boys and I went to visit Daddy at work to get the new I-171H notarized. We got there at lunch time, so we stayed and had lunch with him and some co-workers. The boys were such hams -- just eating up all the attention. They were so excited that they both fell asleep within 5 minutes of getting back on the road. Into Chicago we went. This time I double checked the spelling before I left the SoS office.
Zoom back home -- well, as much zooming as you can do on a Chicago freeway, which isn't much. We went straight to the post office and mailed it all out to the consulate again. I learned that postage goes up on Monday, so I had them put the new amount on the retun envelope just in case. With our luck, it wouldn't be returned until next week and we'd have it floating around in the ether with too little postage on it.
So that is where we are now. Waiting for the new I-171H to come back. Kathy assured me that we are still on the waiting list as of May 7, so that is great news!
We've had a few people say that "it could be any day now" that we get a call with a referal. As much as we'd love for that to be true, it just isn't going to happen. There are about 70 families ahead of us in line at FTIA's Vietnam program. They have only brought home 4 children so far this year. They are working on agreements with more provinces/orphanges, so they hope that the number of referals will increase in the next few months, but realistically, we are way down the list and I believe it will be *at least* 18 months before we get a referal, if not longer. We're ok with this. Of course, there are moments when we want it to happen NOW NOW NOW!, but honestly, we planned on it taking about two years from start to finish when we discussed adopting, so an 18 month wait is right on track for that.
I also wanted to add a note for those people who are reading this because they are going through an adption or considering adoption themselves. I honestly didn't think anyone except our family and friends were reading this, but apparently more people have found our humble little blog. :) I would love to hear from anyone else going through this journey! Drop me an email or leave me a comment. I do want to say that most people do not have the amount of problems that we have had. The vast majority of social workers are fantastic, and though I think everyone has to redo some documents, I don't think it's quite the amount that we have. I just don't want anyone to be scared off by reading our story. For one thing, we have histories that make our case more complicated, and I think that has led to a lot of our issues. And even though we've had these hurdles, we ARE getting through the process. Our adoption WILL happen.
To me, adopting is like a calling. It is something I know I am meant to do. It is how I am meant to continue my family. I think that the road to adoption is full of hurdles and tests, but each one just shows you how much you believe in what you are doing. Each time you face a problem and move through it, it strengthens you. One thing for sure, you REALLY have to want to adopt to make it through the paper chase. I think that if I were a birth mother, I'd want to know that the person/people adopting my child were thoroughly committed to the adoption. Yes, it was easier for us to have our birth children. Nowhere near the amount of paperwork or bureaucracy involved (or the longer wait). But not only do I believe that my daughter is meant to come to me through someone else, I also believe that there are people I don't even know who are trusting me to give her the best life I can and to love her completely. Because of this, I think it's good to make sure that we are 100% committed to this adoption. And going through all of this has made it clear to us that we are.
Ok, enough philosophy for now. :)
WE'RE ON THE WAITING LIST! HOORAY!!!!
Monday, April 16, 2007
A Lull in the Action
Well, USCIS did have a problem with our homestudy. (sigh) They contacted our SW, who then called us to say they were requesting John have an assessment done because of his DUIs (from 10 and 12 years ago). Actually, first she called to say they wanted it, but she was contacting them to work it out and not to worry about it. I don't trust her, so I made an appointment for John to have an assessment done just in case, and she called us four days later to say they did. Then she wanted us to send the assessment letter to her so she could send it in to CIS. This didn't make any sense to me. We sent other stuff directly to them, why delay this getting there and pay for postage to her and have her bill us for Fed Exing it to them? Plus, she wouldn't send us the written request from CIS. She just kept saying stuff over the phone. So I called Kathy at FTIA to ask if she knew of a reason we couldn't send the letter directly, and mentioned we never saw a copy of the request. She said that, amazingly, she had requested the SW to send her one and she actually did! Of course, then when she started reading it to me she discovered that the SW had sent only the middle page of 3. Go figure. So she read the request to me, and at the end it said "We also need a letter regarding Ms. Mikkola's issue." HUH?! The SW had NEVER mentioned that to us!
Kathy gave me a phone number that was on the request. I called and got a recording with an email address. So I then emailed, and a couple days later got an email back saying they needed a letter for John and a letter from a psychiatrist for me because of my depression and being on Wellbutrin. Well, we had given the letter from my psychiatrist to the SW back in January! She never sent it!!! So, we figure she wanted us to send John's letter to her so she could mail both in together and never have to fess up to messing up AGAIN. We were furious. I called the doctor's office and they retyped the letter for me, and we FAXed both, then overnighted them to CIS. Then we sent the SW a second original letter from John's assessment. I never told her I had contacted CIS on my own. We figure that the less we speak to her the better, so we're just letting her think she is the one sending everything in and that she got away with her deception. If CIS gets everything twice, who cares.
The real horror is that there is a woman who lives here in IL who reported her SW for doing a bad job. She was within days of her adoption when the social worker suddenly decided she was an unfit parent and interupted the adoption. That was four years ago and they are still in a court battle over it, even though everyone knows it was a retaliatory thing. Someone else adopted their would-be son, and they are unable to adopt now because DCFS has the social worker's report and it takes forever to clear your name from something like that.
So, we are just trying to avoid talking to our SW as much as possible, and let her think she's doing stuff while we cover our butts and do it all on our end. I tried to find out if she had a boss awhile ago, but she doesn't. So no one to complain to anyway. I don't know if she would retaliate, but I'm not going to take the chance.
In the good news department, we finished the rest of our dossier and sent it to FTIA on Saturday. Kathy said they will review it all now, so that when they get the I-171H they can immediately send it all off to Vietnam. This will save us a week or two. I also heard from a woman who went through the Chicago CIS office and she said they are down to 4-5 weeks now, which is very good news. I emailed them today to confirm they have everything and asked if they could give me an estimate on when we might get our I-171H. I'll let you know what I hear.
FTIA is no longer accepting applications to their Vietnam Program because it is at capacity now. This doesn't effect us, except that the wait has increased from 12 months to 18 months for a referal. So, it'll most likely be Spring 2009 before a baby is here. But the boys will be older, and that will make it much easier to add a little one to the family. Jack is excited to have a sister, and he has been pretending to have a baby for awhile now. Like, "Daddy, quiet! The baby is sleeping!" He's told us the baby is a girl and her name is "B." :) (We've been working on the alphabet.)
I can't believe that the only thing left to do is get our I-171H and all it's certifications. Then it's just a very, very, very long wait until our little girl is home!
Christine
Kathy gave me a phone number that was on the request. I called and got a recording with an email address. So I then emailed, and a couple days later got an email back saying they needed a letter for John and a letter from a psychiatrist for me because of my depression and being on Wellbutrin. Well, we had given the letter from my psychiatrist to the SW back in January! She never sent it!!! So, we figure she wanted us to send John's letter to her so she could mail both in together and never have to fess up to messing up AGAIN. We were furious. I called the doctor's office and they retyped the letter for me, and we FAXed both, then overnighted them to CIS. Then we sent the SW a second original letter from John's assessment. I never told her I had contacted CIS on my own. We figure that the less we speak to her the better, so we're just letting her think she is the one sending everything in and that she got away with her deception. If CIS gets everything twice, who cares.
The real horror is that there is a woman who lives here in IL who reported her SW for doing a bad job. She was within days of her adoption when the social worker suddenly decided she was an unfit parent and interupted the adoption. That was four years ago and they are still in a court battle over it, even though everyone knows it was a retaliatory thing. Someone else adopted their would-be son, and they are unable to adopt now because DCFS has the social worker's report and it takes forever to clear your name from something like that.
So, we are just trying to avoid talking to our SW as much as possible, and let her think she's doing stuff while we cover our butts and do it all on our end. I tried to find out if she had a boss awhile ago, but she doesn't. So no one to complain to anyway. I don't know if she would retaliate, but I'm not going to take the chance.
In the good news department, we finished the rest of our dossier and sent it to FTIA on Saturday. Kathy said they will review it all now, so that when they get the I-171H they can immediately send it all off to Vietnam. This will save us a week or two. I also heard from a woman who went through the Chicago CIS office and she said they are down to 4-5 weeks now, which is very good news. I emailed them today to confirm they have everything and asked if they could give me an estimate on when we might get our I-171H. I'll let you know what I hear.
FTIA is no longer accepting applications to their Vietnam Program because it is at capacity now. This doesn't effect us, except that the wait has increased from 12 months to 18 months for a referal. So, it'll most likely be Spring 2009 before a baby is here. But the boys will be older, and that will make it much easier to add a little one to the family. Jack is excited to have a sister, and he has been pretending to have a baby for awhile now. Like, "Daddy, quiet! The baby is sleeping!" He's told us the baby is a girl and her name is "B." :) (We've been working on the alphabet.)
I can't believe that the only thing left to do is get our I-171H and all it's certifications. Then it's just a very, very, very long wait until our little girl is home!
Christine
Thursday, March 15, 2007
HS Finally Done... or Maybe Not
Well, I'm sitting here trying to think of the best way to tell this story without saying something too mean or horrible about our home study social worker. Dealing with her has become a nightmare, basically. The worst part is that I did so much research before choosing her, and spoke with people who had worked with her before -- all of whom said that she was fast, professional, and great to work with. Boy, I wish I knew where THAT version of her went!
The version WE got is one who set out a timeline of no more than six weeks beginning with our first visit on December 12. Six weeks is pretty normal for a home study (we have since talked to a number of people, and no one had their home study take longer than 6 weeks). Well, here we are THREE MONTHS later and we just received our final home study in the mail this past Saturday. After our placement agency reviewed it, they discovered -- what else -- that she had not corrected a mistake that both FTIA and I pointed out to her in the first draft. Fortunately, it's a mistake that Vietnam won't really notice. Unfortunately, it's one that USCIS will notice. Argh! So, we now have to wait in suspense until USCIS gets around to reviewing our file and decides one of two things: either they will see that it's a mistake and there is other documentation covering the issue, or they will say that an adendum must be added to the home study to address the discrepancy. If they let it go, we'll get our I-171H. If they want an adendum, we have to deal with the social worker again and nag her into actually doing her job and writing the correction and sending it in. This will delay everything long enough that we will have to redo most of our documents. So we're on pins and needles for the next two months.
On a positive note... Jack, Ethan, and I took the HS that will be included in our dossier to Vietnam to the Secretary of State office in downtown Chicago today. We left home at 1:15 and got to the office at 3:00 (finding a parking garage took forever). I had packed lots of books and snacks thinking that we'd be sitting in the waiting room for awhile. Both of the boys wanted out of the stroller, but they were very good and stayed close to me. I talked with a woman who is adopting from Guatamala. Five minutes later they were handing me my certified home study! I was very surprised it went so quick considering it takes two weeks when I mail things to Springfield (I'm still waiting for the documents I sent back there on March 6). They were super nice, too, and actually smiling! In a government office! So back to the car we went, paid our $18 parking fee, and we headed home about 4:00. The boys got to have their Sponge Bob Square Pants Cheez-Its and watered-down juice on the way home. A big adventure to the Big City. We got home at about 5:40, so the whole trip took us 4 1/2 hours, but now we can send the HS in with our other documents to the consulate. After that, all we have to do is wait for the I-171H! Whoo -hoo! Another step checked off the spreadsheet. :)
The boys were so good on our trip today. Jack had a great time seeing all the crazy sculptures and glittering lights on the theatre marques. They didn't even ask to watch a dvd on the way home in stop-and-go traffic. We are so blessed to have such great kids. Ethan is just all smiles again now that his teething has subsided for awhile, and Jack is the cutest little jokester. We were hanging out in my bedroom this morning and the boys were watching Noggin when I drifted off to sleep on the bed. I woke up to Jack's little voice saying, "Mommy..." I opened my eyes and his face was right up against mine. He gave me a little kiss and then said, "Make me a sandwich, please." It totally cracked me up. Then when I said ok and sat up, he started yelling, "Yeah!" and jumping around the room. Ah, the power of peanut butter and jelly! Today he decided to have it cut in triangles. :)
So, we're still inching forward in the whole paperchase. Progress is slow right now, but it is happening. Oh, and since a lot of people have asked lately, we have it figured that the EARLIEST we would have a child home would be September 2008. A long way away, but so worth the wait!
The version WE got is one who set out a timeline of no more than six weeks beginning with our first visit on December 12. Six weeks is pretty normal for a home study (we have since talked to a number of people, and no one had their home study take longer than 6 weeks). Well, here we are THREE MONTHS later and we just received our final home study in the mail this past Saturday. After our placement agency reviewed it, they discovered -- what else -- that she had not corrected a mistake that both FTIA and I pointed out to her in the first draft. Fortunately, it's a mistake that Vietnam won't really notice. Unfortunately, it's one that USCIS will notice. Argh! So, we now have to wait in suspense until USCIS gets around to reviewing our file and decides one of two things: either they will see that it's a mistake and there is other documentation covering the issue, or they will say that an adendum must be added to the home study to address the discrepancy. If they let it go, we'll get our I-171H. If they want an adendum, we have to deal with the social worker again and nag her into actually doing her job and writing the correction and sending it in. This will delay everything long enough that we will have to redo most of our documents. So we're on pins and needles for the next two months.
On a positive note... Jack, Ethan, and I took the HS that will be included in our dossier to Vietnam to the Secretary of State office in downtown Chicago today. We left home at 1:15 and got to the office at 3:00 (finding a parking garage took forever). I had packed lots of books and snacks thinking that we'd be sitting in the waiting room for awhile. Both of the boys wanted out of the stroller, but they were very good and stayed close to me. I talked with a woman who is adopting from Guatamala. Five minutes later they were handing me my certified home study! I was very surprised it went so quick considering it takes two weeks when I mail things to Springfield (I'm still waiting for the documents I sent back there on March 6). They were super nice, too, and actually smiling! In a government office! So back to the car we went, paid our $18 parking fee, and we headed home about 4:00. The boys got to have their Sponge Bob Square Pants Cheez-Its and watered-down juice on the way home. A big adventure to the Big City. We got home at about 5:40, so the whole trip took us 4 1/2 hours, but now we can send the HS in with our other documents to the consulate. After that, all we have to do is wait for the I-171H! Whoo -hoo! Another step checked off the spreadsheet. :)
The boys were so good on our trip today. Jack had a great time seeing all the crazy sculptures and glittering lights on the theatre marques. They didn't even ask to watch a dvd on the way home in stop-and-go traffic. We are so blessed to have such great kids. Ethan is just all smiles again now that his teething has subsided for awhile, and Jack is the cutest little jokester. We were hanging out in my bedroom this morning and the boys were watching Noggin when I drifted off to sleep on the bed. I woke up to Jack's little voice saying, "Mommy..." I opened my eyes and his face was right up against mine. He gave me a little kiss and then said, "Make me a sandwich, please." It totally cracked me up. Then when I said ok and sat up, he started yelling, "Yeah!" and jumping around the room. Ah, the power of peanut butter and jelly! Today he decided to have it cut in triangles. :)
So, we're still inching forward in the whole paperchase. Progress is slow right now, but it is happening. Oh, and since a lot of people have asked lately, we have it figured that the EARLIEST we would have a child home would be September 2008. A long way away, but so worth the wait!
Thursday, March 1, 2007
I See a Faint Glimmer of Light in This Tunnel
Hey, sorry it's been so long since I posted. It has been a very crazy six weeks. We hit a whole bunch of snags, which got kinda discouraging at times, but we've pushed our way through and things are starting to untangle.
So far we have gathered our marriage certificate, birth certificates for all of us, two different medical certificates, employment and income letters, five (yes, five each!) police reports, passport photos, copies of the photo/signature page of our pasports, seven letters of reference, and more. We've completed two separate education workbooks and read countless articles and books. And we've sent our advanced application for USCIS clearance to allow us to adopt and bring an orphan into the country.
Our Michigan documents have been notarized and state certified and are waiting to be sent for authentication at the Vietnamese embassy or consulate. I had sent a batch of our IL documents to the secretary of state, only to have everything returned uncertified because one of the notaries is using a stamp that has his name different from what he was certified under (he left his middle initial off the stamp -- can you believe it?!). We now have to redo those four documents and have a new notary sign them before we send everything in again. That should be done this weekend. Then when those are returned (in about two weeks), we can send what we have so far to the consulate to be authenticated.
Our home study agency just sent our official home study to USCIS last night. That is the last document they need in order to review our application. If we are cleared, they will send us an I-171H form which we then must have notarized, certified, and authenticated. The Chicago Field Office of USCIS is running at about 9 weeks for turn-around time, so we should receive our I-171H the beginning of May. The HS agency and placement agency are working together now to make sure that the copy of the HS that goes into our dossier has all of the information that Vietnam requires. Hopefully, we will have that official copy sometime next week (and then IT is off to be certified and authenticated, too).
Meanwhile, as we wait for those documents to come our way, we will be concentrating on gathering the things that don't need to go through the certification/authentication process. These include photos of our home and family, an official application for adoption from Vietnam, a commitment of periodical reports form (once we adopt from Vietnam we must send the Vietnamese officials reports on the child every six months for the first three years and then every year until they are 18), and a confirmation letter (this is a petition to the People's Committee and the International Adoption Department (IAD) in Vietnam to approve our adoption of the child that is refered to us). There are also occassional changes to the documents required, and we may need to redo some or add additional ones before we're done.
Whew! Still with me?
So all of this has to be gathered together and sent to our placement agency no later than June 1 in order for it to get to the IAD in Vietnam before the six month deadline. What happens if it doesn't make it before the six months expires on our documents? We have to redo them, which means more time and money. The worst will be redoing the medical certificates because we have to have all these blood tests done, and I'm sure our insurance will not pay for them a second time. The cost for our blood tests was $1,000. I really, really don't want to have to redo that!
Yeah, I know, it's all pretty confusing. You should see the Excel spreadsheets I have going to try to keep track of it all! :) We are pushing it to be able have everything together by the deadline. Please think good thoughts for us that the delays are over for now and we make it!
On a fun note, Grandma and Grandpa Mikkola will be here for the weekend, which means Date Night for John and I on Saturday! We are going to take the train into the city and have dinner at Le Colonial, an "up-scale French-Vietnamese restaurant which vividly recaptures the beauty, romance and spirit of French colonial Southeast Asia from the 1920s" (from their website). We saw a local food show on cable one night and a Vietnamese guy was saying it was his favorite restaurant and had authetic Vietnamese cuisine, so we're really excited to go try it out. Plus, Mommy gets to dress up for a night! Wow! I may even put on makeup! Jack and Ethan probably won't recognize me with contacts in, clean hair, and a nice outfit. LOL
Well, it's getting late so I'll end here. I'll try not to go so long before the next post. Thanks for all of your support!
Christine
So far we have gathered our marriage certificate, birth certificates for all of us, two different medical certificates, employment and income letters, five (yes, five each!) police reports, passport photos, copies of the photo/signature page of our pasports, seven letters of reference, and more. We've completed two separate education workbooks and read countless articles and books. And we've sent our advanced application for USCIS clearance to allow us to adopt and bring an orphan into the country.
Our Michigan documents have been notarized and state certified and are waiting to be sent for authentication at the Vietnamese embassy or consulate. I had sent a batch of our IL documents to the secretary of state, only to have everything returned uncertified because one of the notaries is using a stamp that has his name different from what he was certified under (he left his middle initial off the stamp -- can you believe it?!). We now have to redo those four documents and have a new notary sign them before we send everything in again. That should be done this weekend. Then when those are returned (in about two weeks), we can send what we have so far to the consulate to be authenticated.
Our home study agency just sent our official home study to USCIS last night. That is the last document they need in order to review our application. If we are cleared, they will send us an I-171H form which we then must have notarized, certified, and authenticated. The Chicago Field Office of USCIS is running at about 9 weeks for turn-around time, so we should receive our I-171H the beginning of May. The HS agency and placement agency are working together now to make sure that the copy of the HS that goes into our dossier has all of the information that Vietnam requires. Hopefully, we will have that official copy sometime next week (and then IT is off to be certified and authenticated, too).
Meanwhile, as we wait for those documents to come our way, we will be concentrating on gathering the things that don't need to go through the certification/authentication process. These include photos of our home and family, an official application for adoption from Vietnam, a commitment of periodical reports form (once we adopt from Vietnam we must send the Vietnamese officials reports on the child every six months for the first three years and then every year until they are 18), and a confirmation letter (this is a petition to the People's Committee and the International Adoption Department (IAD) in Vietnam to approve our adoption of the child that is refered to us). There are also occassional changes to the documents required, and we may need to redo some or add additional ones before we're done.
Whew! Still with me?
So all of this has to be gathered together and sent to our placement agency no later than June 1 in order for it to get to the IAD in Vietnam before the six month deadline. What happens if it doesn't make it before the six months expires on our documents? We have to redo them, which means more time and money. The worst will be redoing the medical certificates because we have to have all these blood tests done, and I'm sure our insurance will not pay for them a second time. The cost for our blood tests was $1,000. I really, really don't want to have to redo that!
Yeah, I know, it's all pretty confusing. You should see the Excel spreadsheets I have going to try to keep track of it all! :) We are pushing it to be able have everything together by the deadline. Please think good thoughts for us that the delays are over for now and we make it!
On a fun note, Grandma and Grandpa Mikkola will be here for the weekend, which means Date Night for John and I on Saturday! We are going to take the train into the city and have dinner at Le Colonial, an "up-scale French-Vietnamese restaurant which vividly recaptures the beauty, romance and spirit of French colonial Southeast Asia from the 1920s" (from their website). We saw a local food show on cable one night and a Vietnamese guy was saying it was his favorite restaurant and had authetic Vietnamese cuisine, so we're really excited to go try it out. Plus, Mommy gets to dress up for a night! Wow! I may even put on makeup! Jack and Ethan probably won't recognize me with contacts in, clean hair, and a nice outfit. LOL
Well, it's getting late so I'll end here. I'll try not to go so long before the next post. Thanks for all of your support!
Christine
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