We're Baaaaaaack!

Hello, hello! It's been awhile, eh? So, so much has happened.

I will begin with why I have been MIA for so long. I'm a fairly practical person, and I tend to accept change well, but this whole close down suddenly hit me much harder than I expected it to. I was feeling nothing good; it was pretty much down to bitterness, resentment, jealousy, and/or self-pity, with the intermittent relief of numbness. Not really the kind of stuff you want to admit to people, or subject them to in post after post of ranting. I knew things were really bad when I would read about others getting their referrals and feel anger instead of happiness for them. I'm usually good at separating my situation from others, and really, I WAS happy for them deep down, but I was bitter, too. That was tough to acknowledge. It was just such a stressful time with rumors flying all over the place, hope one minute and despair the next, and no timeline for getting any answers to the million and a half questions we all had. Therefore, I had no answers to share here, no timeline to offer for when I would have answers, and no positive thoughts to sustain us in our collective wait.

BUT, here we are, post-September-1st, and I have a few tentative answers, along with some new (to some of you) news to share.

VIETNAM

Here's what we know: it's closed to U.S. adoptions. This is the one solid fact there is. However, there are signs that all is not lost:

1) The Vietnamese have named a high-level government official to negotiate a new MOA, and have formally requested that the DoS begin negotiations with them. This is a very good sign, as last time they closed it was for two years, due in large part (according to our agency) to no-one feeling any urgency to start working toward a new agreement. At least they are being more proactive in getting things rolling this time around.

2) The IAD in Vietnam has agreed to keep the dossiers that are already logged-in. They will not be returned to the agencies, meaning the IAD should honor them when Vietnam opens back up.

Based on these two signs, we have decided to renew our I600-A for Vietnam (which is due to expire next month) in hopes that a new MOA will be reached well before the next expiration 18 months from now. Then we'll just let that all simmer on a back burner.

SO WHAT, YOU MAY ASK, IS ON THE FRONT BURNER?

Ethiopia.

Last spring I heard that our agency might be willing to let families in their Vietnam and Guatamala programs start a concurrent adoption in another country due to the uncertainties in both of these programs. We were placed on the waiting list for their Ethiopia pilot program which they hoped to start within the next few weeks. We waited (fairly impatiently) for word that the program was a go and we should start our paperwork. No word came. Finally, when word did come, it was that they did not feel we would be good candidates for a pilot program in a new country because we do not have a squeaky-clean background (damn genetics and irresponsible young adulthood!).

Feeling disappointed, but understanding the agency's perspective (they want to build up a relationship with a new country before they can advocate for less than perfect families), I decided to look around. I found several agencies with established programs who had no problem accepting us as clients. It took awhile to get permission from our first agency to start working with a second one, but after establishing conditions (for example, there must be at least 6 months between bringing children home), we were free to begin. After researching many of them, we had it narrowed down to two. One of John's co-workers had recently received a referral from one of them, and shared with us her experience. The decision was made. On July 3, as we left town to go visit my family and celebrate my mom's retirement, we dropped our application in the mailbox.

Things with Ethiopia and our new agency are much different -- before, when our application was accepted we started right in on our dossier for Vietnam. This agency accepts your application, then requires letters of reference be sent in, after which they conduct a phone interview, and THEN they send you information on starting your dossier. For two impatient people starting over after more than a year and a half, this seemed like a very long wait just to get started again! But, it all happened, and we are now in the process of putting together our dossier for Ethiopia! It is a lot of work, but overall, a MUCH easier dossier than Vietnam! Most documents just need to be notarized (no need for state certification and then embassy authentication? Whoohoo!!). It's still frustrating to have so many things outside of our control, but this time I know MUCH better what I'm doing and the requirements are less rigid, so things are going much smoother.

Last month we went to John's co-worker's house to meet their family. They had just brought their son home from Ethiopia! I tell ya, there is absolutely no possible way that kid could be any cuter! How quickly you forget what's it's like to feed a baby, and how LIGHT they are! When I picked up that 9-month-old body I almost threw him over my shoulder (ok, maybe not, but I certainly hefted him more than was necessary!). Oh, John and I are both in love. :) Oh, yeah, and his parents are pretty darn cool, too. ;)

So, that's the basic overview of things as they stand now. My goal is to get back into the swing of blogging, so watch your inboxes for future installments. (If you aren't already subscribed to email, you can do so on the right).

Hold Your Breathe -- No Wait -- Don't.

Ok, so how badly does this suck right now? Oh, so, so badly! For those who haven't seen CNN or Yahoo News lately, Vietnam has announced that they will stop logging in dossiers from the U.S. on July 1 and anyone who does not have an official referral by Sept. 1 will have their dossier returned to them and will not be allowed to complete their adoption.

Our dossier has been logged in since last May, but only a miracle will get us a referral by Sept. 1. I'm talking Heavens splitting open, choir of angels singing Hallelujah, blinding celestial light shining down, and God himself demanding that VN give us a referral.

Yeah. Something tells me God has bigger problems to focus on.

Soooooooooo, here we are. Our agency is holding on to the slimmest glimmer of hope that Dr. Long will change his mind and allow anyone with a logged in dossier to complete their adoption, so we are leaving our paperwork where it is on the off chance Dr. Long will take pity on us poor saps. But, the embassy really, really pissed him off (and I do NOT blame him one bit -- they really made it sound like VN is just rampant with the most heinous kinds of corruption and baby selling/kidnapping, etc., when really the vast majority of adoptions have been completely ethical, and Dr. Long has worked very hard to make adoptions more transparent and centralized). Obviously unethical practices should not be tolerated in any way, but it's a shame that the embassy and media chose to paint the whole program in such a horrible light. And I am wondering where the report is that names the American agencies that are taking part in the unethical practices? How are PAPs suppose to avoid unethical agencies when they are not being held accountable? This really highlights the fact that there is no federal regulation of adoption agencies, so even if one is found to be bad in one state, they can just move to another and open back up with no-one the wiser. I read somewhere that someone said it is easier to open an adoption agency than it is to open a donut shop. Truly frightening.

Anyway, back from the Vent tangent. We are now looking at alternatives. We are not at all sure what we are going to do yet, but hopefully we will have a Plan B very soon and we can focus on that while Plan A sits and waits for answers that will not come until August.

Sigh. This is so disappointing, shocking, sickening for us, but what truly breaks my heart is the thought of all the humanitarian aid that will be leaving when the U.S. agencies are no longer allowed in. There will still be other countries that are allowed to adopt from VN, so I hope that every child in need of an adoptive home is able to find one somewhere in the world. But many who are unable to be adopted, and their communities, will be left without the aid they once had. Heartbreaking.

Memorandum of Agreement

The Memorandum of Agreement (MOA) between the U.S. and Vietnam allows U.S. citizens to adopt from Vietnam. There are provisions in the agreement that each country was required to meet, and unfortunately, not all have been met. This agreement is set to expire September 1, 2008, and the U.S. Department of State has indicated that they will not renew the agreement because of the commitments that were not met. However, they are still willing to work with Vietnam to negotiate a new agreement.

What does this mean for parents waiting to adopt from Vietnam? No one knows yet. Those who already have a referral and are waiting to travel should be fine. Those who should be receiving referrals soon may also be ok if they can travel and complete the adoption before September 1. For those of us who are waiting for a referral that will come later, especially after September 1 (like us), the future is very murky. The Dept. of State is advising that no one begin the process to adopt from Vietnam at this time. Many believe that this is just to be open and honest about the fact that there is a chance that adoptions will be halted when the current MOA expires.

As I see it, there are many things that can happen now:

- The U.S. can change their mind and renew the current agreement.
- The U.S. and Vietnam can negotiate a new agreement in time to keep adoptions going without interuption, or with an interuption (who knows how long that could be).
- The two countries could fail to come to any agreement and all adoptions not completed by September 1, 2008 will not happen.
- They could fail to agree, but Vietnam could allow anyone with a referral as of Sept. 1 to complete the adoption.
- They could fail to agree, but Vietnam could allow anyone currently in process to complete their adoptions.

There are probably a few other options in there that I just don't know enough about it all to think of. For now, we are just hoping for the best.

You can read the statement from the Department of State here:

http://www.travel.state.gov/family/adoption/intercountry/intercountry_3939.html

Huge Month for FTIA Vietnam!

Two more referrals were made last week, which means SEVEN families have received referrals in the month of January! I can't hardly believe it, after how slow (and non-existent for awhile) referrals were last year. February will likely be slower due to Tet celebrations (Feb. 6-11), but the coordinators expect referrals to continue to be steady in the coming months.

Additional news from FTIA is that the age of infants coming home from Vietnam will be older than in the past. Vietnam has put more procedures in place to allow family members or other Vietnamese families to adopt the children before they become eligible for international adoption. In addition, USCIS has changed the Procedure for filing the I-600, the determination of a child's orphan status. You used to file it at the U.S. embassy in Hanoi while you were there completing your adoption. Now, they require you to file this before you travel, which has cut in-country time by about a week, but increased the wait to travel after referral to 3-5 months. These are important safeguards -- and I support anything that makes international adoption more transparent and ethical -- it just means that the youngest children coming from Vietnam will be 9-12 months old.

I've been "nesting" lately. Maybe it's because we finally have a room that will be hers. I've bought some cute clothes (size 2T so it doesn't matter when her birthday is -- I don't have to worry about buying long sleeves that will end up fitting her in summer, she'll have a year to wear 2T), downloaded a bunch of patterns for cute boutique-style little girl clothes (now I just have to find that inner bobbin for my sewing machine...), and bought the wall coverings to decorate her room. I bought a product called Tatouage, a dry rub transfer, that you just rub onto the wall. I got a ton of stuff to make a garden scene on 2 walls, including a picket fence and gate, lots of flowers, a shade tree that will go from floor to ceiling, birds, butterflies, and lots of fairies to play among the flowers. I can't wait to do it, but I need to prime and paint first. I'm hoping to talk John into painting fluffy clouds in a blue sky like he did for J's nursery.

We sent in our application to a new home study agency and received word today that they will be working with us. I talked to the director there last week and really liked her. The agency is based in Keene, NH, but they have a couple social workers who live in our area, so we won't need to travel over an hour to work with them. I'm certain our experience with this agency will be a million times better than our last experience! It would be hard to get worse (though I'm sure there are worse stories out there!).

As I mentioned, Tet is coming up. This is the Vietnamese New Year. I thought I'd share some information I learned today while reading my Chao Ban newsletter (an excellent newsletter for families of children adopted from Vietnam that is put out 4 times per year by a couple who've adopted). This year is the year of the Rat, which is the beginning of the twelve year cycle of the Asian Zodiac calendar. The Rat symbolizes acquisition, industry, and prosperity -- just think of the hard work these animals do to hoard their food. So this is a year for hard work and abundance, but also one to practice being humble about one's achievements.

One difference between the Vietnamese and Chinese calendars is that the Chinese includes an Ox and a Rabbit, and in place of these the Vietnamese calendar has a Water Buffalo and a Cat.

More on Tet later!

Soooooooooo Cute!

First, I've got some referral news. On January 2 FTIA Vietnam referred FOUR babies! Three boys and one girl! What a great start to the new year!

Now, to the cute part: one of my fellow FTIA PAPs (Prospective Adoptive Parent) posted a link to a website with THE CUTEST little handmade dresses at unbelievable prices! I believe this is a fund raiser done by another adoptive parent, and she has such adorable styles, as well as awesome fabrics. I wish I knew where she found such great prints. I'm tempted to order a whole closet full (and at those prices I probably could!). The link is: http://redthreadstitches.blogspot.com/2007/12/product-selection.html I'll also add it to my list of links on the right.

Just had to share this. Oh, and speaking of cute -- I woke up this morning when J grabbed my face with both hands and announced, "Hi! My name is J!" Lest I forget... LOL

Referrals!

Hi all,

Just a quick update. Another referral was made this week... a baby boy. According to our agency's weekly email, 7 families have received referrals and 10 more are waiting for the official referral notice from Vietnam. Things are finally moving! Due to some changes in the way paperwork is being processed by USCIS, the wait from referral to travel is longer now, but it should shorten the in-country stay by at least a week. So instead of being there for 3 weeks, it should now only be 10-14 days.

Of course, this could always change again before we get our referral. :)

Our New Home

Wow! I can't believe it's been over 2 months since I posted. It's been such a whirlwind. We've been living in a Residence Inn hotel for the past 7 weeks. Not exactly ideal when you have two wee ones. A case in point: E overflowed the two toilets 5 times in a 12 hour period that began around 11:30 p.m. early in our stay. John finally used rope left over from their Halloween cowboy costumes to tie the door handle of their bathroom to a towel bar across the room so they couldn't open the door anymore (no locks on the bathroom doors, sigh).

BUT, tomorrow we finally move into our new home! It really hasn't sunk in yet... Probably won't until I see my bed all set up in my new bedroom. I can't tell you how very much I miss my own bed!

On the adoption front: FTIA referred a baby boy a few weeks ago, and today they referred a beautiful baby girl! The soon-to-be parents of the boy aren't on the message board, but the girl's family is, and they posted their referral pictures. She's 6 months old, and looks happy and healthy and well-taken-care-of. They turned their dossier in to FTIA exactly 18 months ago (to the day), so their wait falls in line with what we've been told. And there should be more referrals coming soon. It is so exciting to hear of these and see the pictures the families share. The FTIA message board has been a real blessing. It is a very supportive, friendly, and fun community to be a part of.

Anyway, it's getting late and I have to get up early to meet the movers at our storage unit in the morning (yippee!!!!). Just wanted to pass on the good news of two more referrals and our move-in (finally!). :)